well, i guess.... so far, not so good. I did manage to eat paleo for most of the moth of january. and it wasn't too hard at the start, but it got really hard to juggle the food, the activities, and i didn't see the results that I was expecting to see. so here I am back where i started.
Nothing has changed with work, and nothing will change. Baseball season will start and we'll have 5 teams to contend with. This likely means that we will have baseball for someone every single day of the week, which means that Rich will run around to one practice or another, and I'll drag the baby to someone else's stuff.
I'll still be trying to get in all the hours at work that I can, which still won't be enough because I haven't made any progress on the projects that I own. i shouldn't even be going to the trainer for the 1 hour twice a week that I am because i am not technically getting in the 40 hours that I should.
I've mentioned that I need to do stuff on weekends, but that never really happens. the boys want to do stuff, rich needs to get stuff done, the baby needs to be watched.
and really, these are all excuses... i want someone to want to put me first, i want to feel like I'm worth it. and I don't. I want Rich to feel proud of me, I want him to think i'm beautiful... to look at me across a room and just be in love. and I know that he loves me, but just once in a while, i want to feel special. i want comments about how i look nice when i actually put in an effort. i don't want to have to ask for it, i don't want to have to ask for the time for me.
and i know that no one else is going to put me first unless i do. but how do i put everyone else first as well as myself?
I keep going back to the biggest loser's no excuses theme... i know these are excuses and i don't know how to change it. and honestly... why am i not doing something right now? i could be doing something active right now. and i'm not, i'm sitting on the couch drinking wine.
i just don't know what to do anymore... so things will just keep going as they are.
